Saturday, 26 July 2008
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Money
How important is money to you?
A few people in my life keep pushing me to date the guys that appear to be financially better off. I have dated guys that are doing alright for themselves and thats fine. I did not know Bomb even had a 'real' job when I met him moonlighting as a bartender. Its just not something I seek out? Should I?
I, personally, spilt checks. Or offer to pay for the next round. Or I get the tickets and you can get the snacks. *shrug* I have always been this way and odds are pretty good I am not going to change. Most guys laugh and say 'The guy pays on a date! I got it!' and, honestly, I wont put up a fuss, but I will buy the next round.
I dont really care too much about financial status. The extent of it goes to...I am not supporting you financially. Its not going to happen. Perhaps if we were to be married down the line I would offer a certain level of financial support but I do have expectations. If you are physicallyt able to support yourself and work-or at least try!-ten you should.
Heres the thing, though. I wont be supported either.I have seen girlfirends prior to girls day out shopping turn to boyfriends and say 'Give me...like 200?' and the guy does!
He actually DOES?
'Of course he does. Its what I deserve. Someone to take care of me.' One of my very good girlfriends has a her boyfriends pay for her mani-pedi, hair, spa treatments, etc. 'They date me because I look a certain way. So they can pay for the upkeep'I guess there are a few questions there.
Guys? Is it weird-and I have been told it is so I ask-when a girl, not just offers, but actually DOES-no muss, no fuss, no scene-split the check or contribute to the date? Have you ever asked a girl to contribute to the date? How comfortable do you feel about contributing to 'upkeep'? And I dont mean just apperance. What about Rent? When you dont live there? School? Car? Are there expectations and obligations linked to the cash?
Girls? Do you expect your date to pony up the cash? For dates? Shopping trips? Maintinence? Do you offer? Do you actually follow through on those offers? If you are being supported financially, would you date a guy that wasnt able to be so generous? Are there expectations and obligations linked to the cash?
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Comments (4)
Good questions!
So I guess this is where the balance between my traditional upbringing and the "independent woman" mentality I've absorbed sort of comes into play.
I expect the man to pay for dates. If I'm paying my own tab, we are not on a date. If we are on a date and he EXPECTS me to pay for myself, this is our last date. Period.
BUT beyond that, I borrow a phrase from Eve: "Eve's got her own cash, forget what you bought her." And that's kind of how I feel when it comes to everything else. I will not support a man. And if we aren't married, I don't expect him to support me either. (And even after we are married, if we have no kids, I fully expect to continue working full-time.) He pays for dates, but other than that, I pay for my own hair, makeup, nails, clothes, car insurance, rent/mortgage, and other bills. He's my boyfriend, not my benefactor. If he wants to buy me something (clothes, spa trip) as a gift, I'll take it--I love presents! But other than that, I take care of myself. I may be a princess, but I carry my own purse.
ryc: Thank you for the comment and the compliment! I enjoy reading your posts as well.
Yay for dating kidless men! you're right, that woman should definitely always come first. And you have the right to not want to come second. I know we learned it in kindergarten and everything, but when it comes to dating, you shouldn't have to share!
As for the over 30 thing, why is that weird? When you are over 30 you really don't have an excuse to live with your parents anymore, unless you recently went through some sort of major financial crisis. It's okay when you are in your early 20s and still in or just out of college because then, naturally you are pretty broke for a while. (Yes, I am speaking for myself!) But after that, by the time you are 30something, you should definitely be established in your job and know what you want out of life! I feel like by the end of your 20s, the "finding yourself" part of your life should be pretty much done and your focus should be building a life and leaving a legacy. And if you are in that stage of your life, you should definitely not have any reason to depend on anyone else! So like I said in my post, your opinion is not weird or wrong--don't apologize for it!
Letting guys pay for you, is like supplementing love for money. You need money, but in today's society as an adult you should be making and using your own.
I think it's nice if the guy offers, but I'm more comfortable splitting the bill, or at least switching off every time. My last boyfriend was loaded, and you know what? It didn't matter, I was miserable. Money holds no weight for me in a relationship.