Thursday, 24 July 2008
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Dating for Dummies
So I am looking online and I search:
'How to Date'
and got a bunch of site geared toward teenagers adn I really didnt find that applicable to me and my situation(s).
'Adult Dating'
and DUH (add a forehead slap) I got a bunch of...seedier...sites.
'Dating for Dummies'
and I got the book 'Dating for Dummies' which, while I found a few things informative (see below) the excerpts I read felt like they were geared more toward the gamer who lives in his parents basement.
And...a new thought creeps into my mind. Do I feel like I dont know how to date because I do not know how to 'play games'? Is that what I am looking for? The ability to play games? Why is that a thought?
To me, 'playing games' means manipulation others to feel and react a certain way to obtain the desired results. Lying, deception, etc are the tools of the trade. Thats what it means to me. To you, it might mean a rousing game of Monopoly. *shrug*I can say I do not feel as though I 'play games' with people. I am honest to the point of stupid. Trusting to the point of heartbreak. I am simply tired of being in relationships with those who do not feel the same way. I am tired of having the rug pulled out from under me when I find out someone lied to me.
When I decide to actually allow someone to touch my feelings, I give everything. Something my Father says I should stop doing. Maybe drop the all or nothing meantality.So I felt like the excerpt from 'Dating for Dummies' available on Discovery Health spoke to me.
'Do you need to be in control all the time or else you feel anxious? Do you take care of people and then get angry when they don't take care of you, even though you've set yourself up as the caretaker (which is really just a variation on being a control freak)?'
These words totally stopped me and I read them over and over and...yeah. I totally am this. I do this. Gah. I suck.
Click here to read the whole excerpt:
http://health.discovery.com/centers/loverelationships/dummies/date/dummies_breakup.html
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Comments (4)
My, does the caretaker bit ever sound familiar. And "playing the game" part. I've often wondered why it just can't be two people acting in an honest, supportive manner that lays their passions bare. Apparently, that is not how it works. It is all about the chase, the power and other such rubbish. So I do not even date. Too much trouble and falsehood. If I like someone, they will get all I have to give, whether or not I am actually involved with them. And whatever else may be happening, I do my best to see the joy present in my daily life. I wish you the same. Best of luck on your journey.
I do that too!
I think that when you are not looking for a real relationship, playing games tends to be the fallback. It basically results in lies and games and fakeness and short-lived, time-wasting, painful relationships.
I don't think dating is really an art or a science when you are looking for a real relationship. I just think that people get so desperate for attention or affection or whatever sometimes that they rush things, or they don't have the self-esteem or respect to get out of a relationship they don't really want to be in. The simplest solution is to be friends first! That has definitely worked best for me in the past.
Like sennen_shadow said, the control freak thing sounds all too familiar...
I'm not great at dating exactly because I feel like a lot of it is just game playing.
And yes, the caretaker bit is ever so typical of me. I have a horrible habit of honestly believing in the rule that states "treat others as you would like to be treated". You'd think it would work in relationships but I guess not? Heh...
I like to be in control but wat them to you could say 'stand up and be the man' at the same time.
so in other words i dont really no what I want >_<