Wednesday, 23 July 2008

• Talking with Laura yesterday about plans for the week, the weekend.
  My plans for each night include a guy. A different guy. Most are in the 'Guys I will never date' file and others are in the 'Guys that have asked to date and I say No' file.
  
  I am telling Laura all this and she is laughing.
  
  'For not dating, you sure do date alot.'
  I am NOT dating. These are guys I am friends with.
  'Did you hang out this much with these guys while dating Bomb?'
  Well, no.
  'Uh huh.' she is laughing 'Dont you think its odd that they are suddenly asking you to spend more time with them?'
  
  Crap. I mean, I know my guy friends versus guys that wanna be more than friends.

  Wow. I sound like a tramp. I am not. Promise. I think there is just a shortage of girls my age who are single and dont have an ass ton of baggage.
  Cause, wacky as I am, I am pretty damn normal.
  
  Sorta.
  
  So Laura says this and I am all trying to defend myself and...well, it just goes back to me being oblivious to all this. I just, I dunno. Didnt think of it that way. I did on some of the guys and I told them, not ready to date. Guys are tools and respond with the 'Whats a friendly walk/dinner/cup of coffee? No pressure!' Jerkoffs, that IS pressure.
  So then what? I stay in all the time? I hang out with my single girlfriends?
  My single girlfriends are in two camps. Those who go to the horrible meatmarket bars downtown every weekend to pick up guys to screw that night and wake up in the morning bitter cause they dont have a man and those who sit at home with their cats and a pint of HaagenDas and watch Lifetime getting more and more bitter cause they dont have a man.
  
  I am not either. I wont be either. I am me and I have guy friends and I dont think its weird to hang out with guy friends BUT how do you NOT date them? How do you make it clear that hanging out and spending time and talking to them does not indicated DATING interest it just means, 'Dude, you are cool.' PERIOD.
  Cause I think I do hang out and get to know guys, but I do it without intentions of ever dating them.

  I think doing it with someone I may want to date is the kicker.
  
  There is a thought there, I just cant seem to word it. I think I know how to just be friends with a guy but I cant seem to be date guys I am friends with....maybe thats it.
  
  

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